When my mom died I went through a ton of different emotions. For a while they were all surface things about what had happened, what our last words were, who was there, who wasn’t there and so on. I was a few years into Higher Consciousness and I was attempting to apply everything I knew about looking at the stories, the emotions, the things my head was saying to me to work through it. I knew I had anger because I was cussing and bitching about a few things. I knew I had pain because the tears would come every once in awhile. I knew I had guilt because I would hear myself degrade myself.
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I found myself sitting in the bath tub with the shower pouring over me as I cried. I had just ended an 8 year relationship with a beautiful, loving and talented woman and was mourning it. My heart was wide open and I cried and cried, some quiet tears, others heart wrenching. The thing that struck me the most was that there were no words in my head. No stories of my unworthiness, my undesirability, the fact that she, like so many others, would be better without me. Nothing, none of those stories played, no sound other than the tears I cried. REPOSTED FROM CRT 2013 This blog won’t make much sense to those who have their eyes shut tight. For those that do not wish to awaken this time around they shut their eyes tight and keep their fingers in their ears. They get frustrated or angry when we speak to them directly about this stuff or when they read things like this blog (if they even get that far, most don’t). Their ego runs wild and calls us “failures”, “disappointments”, “crazy” and so on and so forth. But for those of us that are awakening we search out these types of things to confirm what we felt all along, that there is something in this life that we are supposed to be doing that has nothing to do with the outward “gratification” of wealth and fame. REPOSTED FROM CRT 2013 Time is a trip killer. Well okay, it didn't exactly kill the trip but it did kill any kind of good time we may have had. Not that the time element was the only issue. Life-sucking vampire bugs (aka mosquitoes) were also an issue, but time, that one sideswiped us. It started with our trip to drop off a great dog to his new home. While we wouldn't change any of that it did sort of have us primed for doing things quickly. REPOSTED FROM CRT 2013 We spend a lot of time and money collecting things. I’m not talking about actual collections here, I’m just talking about stuff. We've been told we have to have the right furniture, the right china, the right artwork, and the right linens. Then of course there are the dvds, cds, video games, game systems, surround sound, the size of your TV (which is of course indicative of your prowess in the bedroom). Oh and don't forget the right car, perhaps even a boat, RV and motorcycle. |
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