Today I woke up and started thinking about the idea of desiring things outside of ourselves to make us happy. Lets face it in our culture we are bombarded by advertising all the time, commercials and ads in and on everything from a newspaper to social media. We constantly see things that are supposed to make us “bigger, better, skinnier, healthier, richer, more fun, dateable, entertained” and so on and so forth. I was remembering back to when I was in my early 20’s barely making any money but I had a credit card for every major department store I could get my hands on. I wanted the latest clothes, music, colonge, games, electronics, and more. I wanted to have the car, the girlfriend, the job, the house and when I got them I knew, I JUST KNEW, I’d be happy. So what happened…
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When my mom died I went through a ton of different emotions. For a while they were all surface things about what had happened, what our last words were, who was there, who wasn’t there and so on. I was a few years into Higher Consciousness and I was attempting to apply everything I knew about looking at the stories, the emotions, the things my head was saying to me to work through it. I knew I had anger because I was cussing and bitching about a few things. I knew I had pain because the tears would come every once in awhile. I knew I had guilt because I would hear myself degrade myself. About a week ago a ton of stuff was stirring up inside of me and hitting pretty deep. I’ve always been aware that I can sometimes get stuck in the logical idea of right vs wrong, after all that is one of the many things we are here to transcend. The way I was raised also hammered this into me, I have to be “right” in order to have anything validated. I have had to be logical and come from a very scientific approach to things. It was constantly ingrained in me that my feelings were “wrong,” and in some cases I was blatantly told I was stupid for having the feelings I had. I found myself sitting in the bath tub with the shower pouring over me as I cried. I had just ended an 8 year relationship with a beautiful, loving and talented woman and was mourning it. My heart was wide open and I cried and cried, some quiet tears, others heart wrenching. The thing that struck me the most was that there were no words in my head. No stories of my unworthiness, my undesirability, the fact that she, like so many others, would be better without me. Nothing, none of those stories played, no sound other than the tears I cried. REPOSTED FROM THE TRANS-SCEND BLOG 2014 In general when I am speaking of 3d/4d/5d, I am speaking of a dimension of consciousness. Consciousness is roughly defined as an awareness of one's existence, thoughts, sensations and surroundings. Awakening is basically a term used to describe the difference in consciousness between being aware that you as a human are alive and being aware that you are not only alive as a human but much more. While many people are religious, and some even seek understanding of their world through a spiritual practice it is much more to be aware of yourself and this is what we mean when we say "awakened." |
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