REPOSTED FROM THE TRANS-SCEND BLOG 2015 First, what do I mean by story? Stories are our ideas of us as humans. They are our attachments. They are our likes and dislikes, those things that we say after the words “I am …” the things that we use to describe ourselves and how we are as human beings. They are the made up ideas that are passed to us by our parents, siblings, schools, churches, community and so forth. They are the things we are born into and not the thing we were before we were born, if that makes any sense to you. Who you truly are has nothing to do with anything on this planet, who you are is outside of all things human, you are a spark of the divine creator you are not … you just are.
0 Comments
REPOSTED FROM THE TRANS-SCEND BLOG 2015 I remember playing the game of Life when I was a kid. We would set up the board and grab cars and put our little peg in (mine was blue of course) and then start to play. It was fun zooming our car around and playing at going to college/getting a job, getting married, having kids and making/losing money. After we would pack it all up and go out and play until bed time and that was…life. REPOSTED FROM THE TRANS-SCEND BLOG 2015 Bathrooms used to be just a thing I did without thinking about it. All of sudden they became the scariest place in the world (aside from maybe having to go to a new doctor/hospital) for me and that feeling lasted for many years. I was recently reminded of that when I checked out Brothers (check them out if you haven't already https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDXagST_QUQ) an online drama about guys in transition. In the very first episode we watch Jack experience stress over using a public restroom. I loved this scene as I have done the same thing many, many times and have been put into situation after situation to get over my fear of it. REPOSTED FROM THE TRANS-SCEND BLOG 2015 I was asked recently what pronoun I preferred in reference to a club leather title I won back in 2005 before I transitioned. In the leather community some refer to previous titleholders as their "mom, grandma, great grandma, etc." and I was asked if the new titleholder could call me "great (however many times) grandma." People standing behind her automatically said "no" and looked shocked when I said "sure". I recognize the oddness of this, when I first transitioned I went on vacation with a really good friend of mine who wasn't yet used to the transition and kept referring to me as "she." I had a panic attack every time she did which led to me eventually really having it out with her about watching what she was saying. I had a ton of fear around other people’s reactions, I also had some fear of my friends not accepting me which I hadn't quite gotten over (despite the fact that other than getting used to a change in vocabulary they were quite fine with). I also was in a new relationship with a "straight" girl who had barely even heard the word "transgender" before we got together. REPOSTED FROM THE TRANS-SCEND BLOG 2015 I don't know if this is my official first memory or if it is just so strong and had such an impact on the rest of my life that it was elevated to that status. I remember it like it was yesterday and even still remember the elation of the epiphany, the sadness that overwhelmed me right before it was extremely intense and has carried with me. those feelings that come with the memory are the ones that now I know need to dissolve before I can let go of the effect of this memory because it isn't the memory that moves us from the NOW to the past but being stuck in the emotions of the memory that do so.This is how we know we are no longer in the now, it's when the feelings of the past coming rushing back with the memory. In other words if I can reach a point where I remember this in order to retell it to use it to help others with their journey but the emotions or emotional attachments I have to that memory are no longer there then I am using it NOW. |
|