About a week ago a ton of stuff was stirring up inside of me and hitting pretty deep. I’ve always been aware that I can sometimes get stuck in the logical idea of right vs wrong, after all that is one of the many things we are here to transcend. The way I was raised also hammered this into me, I have to be “right” in order to have anything validated. I have had to be logical and come from a very scientific approach to things. It was constantly ingrained in me that my feelings were “wrong,” and in some cases I was blatantly told I was stupid for having the feelings I had.
I hit a deep, deep pain the other week where I just couldn’t seem to figure out how to separate the feeling of pain, sadness, depression from the thoughts of “I have to be perfect,” “this isn’t working because I’m stupid,” “why can’t I do anything right.” I hit the point where I was not only beyond frustrated with myself but I was beating myself up as I continued to tangle the feelings with the thoughts. I was finding it incredibly difficult to take a step back, separate the thought and the feeling and see the story in all of it.
That day I cried, got a lot of it out, had a friend help me to break out of the thoughts and went to lay down and try and let it all out of my body. Fast forward to the other day and I was standing in the shower looking at all that had gone through my head that day and combined it with something I’ve heard before, “you are always right.” I’ve heard that come out of my mouth before but never really paid attention to it. This isn’t in reference to when I was growing up but later in life when I would go seek advice from a friend about whatever I was going through at the time. The thought occasionally runs through my head now, as well, with my friends that speak from higher consciousness. Sometimes my head says it with that teenage angst but most of the time it is more of an “aha” as they say something that resonates.
So I was standing in the shower and looking at all of that and realized I could twist my own story. My story of always needing to be right and always needing to be perfect suddenly jumped out at me and said “Hey, change me!!” So I started changing the story… First I looked at “being right,” for the most part I always saw this as I needed the right answer and I needed to wield it almost like a sword and shield in front of me so that I could prove I was worthy. Generally my story revolved around my being unworthy so I had taken this on as “proof” that I wasn’t. Of course this would inevitably fail because no one has all the answers all the time. What if we did though?
I’m not talking about answers like 2 + 2 = 4, those answers are seen in our society as the best knowledge to have but why? Well, if we are coming from our heads, being logical and looking at answers like this we are essentially closing down our heart. The very logical way in which society looks at most things corresponds to the left side of the brain and masculine energy. This is the energy that has become predominant in the world as we have pulled away from feminine, heart open, loving responses. Having your heart wide open is our connection to our Higher Self. So the fact that I have always felt that I “needed to be right” was how I shut down that connection to my Soul because I am off balance in my masculine/feminine energy, or my ying/yang.
If I change it though and realize that EVERYTHING is right, in its own way, then I begin to open my heart. Lets look at the fact that we are here in our own movie, our own story, our own reality. Everything around us we put here to wake us up and assist us in transcending our human (logical) side. If there is something I need to see about myself, whether to show me a side of myself that I need to love or an answer to a question I’ve been searching for, I send someone to assist. I have a friend or a complete stranger walk up and say…. Whatever it is I need to hear at that moment and then I feel how my body reacts.
Am I filling up with light, is this something that resonates, is my heart open and do I have that feeling of it swelling up? Then it was something I really need to hear, something that encourages the love I already hold for myself, something that leads me further down my path. Or, is my chest sinking, do I feel disconnected, am I feeling uncomfortable, upset, angry and so on. If so then I have just been shown a part of me that is still in need of love, a story that needs to be changed, a direction that I have gone down and not yet resolved.
It’s not that I need to be RIGHT about anything, it is that everything around me is RIGHT for me. Trying to be right is pretty much working against me. I am so caught up in the need to say or do the “right” thing that I have become unconscious to what I am trying to show myself and have essentially cut myself off from what I truly need to see. If I step back and look at everything that goes on around me and realize that my Higher Self is running the show and attempting to show my the “right” path for me then I get to jump on board quicker, to stop fighting myself, to reach out and grasp the treasure I’m holding out like a carrot in front of my nose.
This is the perfection in everything. The perfection in the world around me is through me and what I need to transcend the human aspects and come from my heart fully. What I need, on my particular path, to be true, perfect and right for me. No one is right, in every logical statement we can make there is an actual reality that can prove it wrong. We may not see that as humans but we begin to understand it the more connection we have to our Higher Selves. Arguing scientific fact, trying to be right in the human way, staying in the logical mind prevents me from seeing the beauty and perfection in myself as a Higher Self. It cuts me off from myself.
There is no right nor wrong in higher consciousness it is only the perfection of every moment being here to show us how to connect fully. The only right is the right for me at the time it is right. “Right” changes as I change, it is no longer right nor wrong but perfect in both and that perfection comes from following the path that leads us to ourselves.