I was reminded today how I used to (and occasionally still do) seek approval from the outside world. This can be in reference to anything; weight, job, looks, education level and so on. Today though I’m going to use my story as a transgender male as a reference for this. While everything and more of what I listed I and many others have sought approval for it wasn’t until I chose to transition to male that it came at me full blown.
I found myself sitting in the bath tub with the shower pouring over me as I cried. I had just ended an 8 year relationship with a beautiful, loving and talented woman and was mourning it. My heart was wide open and I cried and cried, some quiet tears, others heart wrenching. The thing that struck me the most was that there were no words in my head. No stories of my unworthiness, my undesirability, the fact that she, like so many others, would be better without me. Nothing, none of those stories played, no sound other than the tears I cried.
Today I found myself saying something that we all say “Wow, I’m in love with…” It’s not a new thing, I’ve said it before, heard it before, watched movies where people say it and so on. What was new is right after I said it I stopped and actually looked at that thought. I had to sit back and say to myself “really?” Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t questioning that I had the feeling I was questing the wording and how it described the feeling.
What does “in love” really mean, what did I mean when I said it and why, as humans do we equate an awesome feeling with the words “in love.” Being IN anything means I can be OUT of it right? We say I’m IN love, I fell OUT of love, I do NOT love them any more, I (DO) love you and what do all of those things really say about the feeling I have? Frankly, broken down like that it says I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’m waiting for the opposite thing to happen, I’m waiting for the other side of those duality words.
Contracts end in many different ways, different relationships, and different degrees of consciousness. Romantic relationships, for me, have never ended as “they should.” A great many of them have ended in a very loving way and have moved into long term friendships. I admire, respect and love the women I have been with that have been able to move into this place with me. It was not always the case, however, I realize now that I changed the way I viewed relationships somewhere along the way and decided that if I had once loved someone, there was no reason I couldn’t love them after the initial romantic relationship ended.
Most of these relationships have ended very well and while many needed time apart before the friendship phase, it was rarely a long drawn out thing. I’m not entirely sure why the others ended that way, at the time I was not consciousness as I see it today but I believe that changing my view on how relationships had to occur helped. It never had anything to do with who ended the relationship but how.
REPOSTED FROM THE TRANS-SCEND BLOG 2016
I know I just posted about the idea of soulmates and how we, in fact, are our own soulmate. This may seem odd to some people but the fact is our souls are complete as they are. They are perfect balance of divine masculine and divine feminine energy which combines with the unconditional love that they are and gives a perfect being. A perfect being does not long to be fulfilled, it does not yearn for another, nor need to be completed in some way. All of those ideas are really based of 3D duality and are no longer what we are truly seeking.