Contracts end in many different ways, different relationships, and different degrees of consciousness. Romantic relationships, for me, have never ended as “they should.” A great many of them have ended in a very loving way and have moved into long term friendships. I admire, respect and love the women I have been with that have been able to move into this place with me. It was not always the case, however, I realize now that I changed the way I viewed relationships somewhere along the way and decided that if I had once loved someone, there was no reason I couldn’t love them after the initial romantic relationship ended.
Most of these relationships have ended very well and while many needed time apart before the friendship phase, it was rarely a long drawn out thing. I’m not entirely sure why the others ended that way, at the time I was not consciousness as I see it today but I believe that changing my view on how relationships had to occur helped. It never had anything to do with who ended the relationship but how.
Many of us look at relationships ending as a loss. I’ll never love like that again, no one will want me, I should just give up and be alone, why did she/he leave me and so on. When we are stuck in our human ideas of things we see only what we’ve lost, never what we have gained and I’m not speaking of the angry “I’m glad he/she is gone.” We gain so much from a relationship/contract ending, we just need to be consciousness enough to see it. This gain is in the form of knowing where we still have human beliefs to overcome, what stories are still stuck in our heads, what programs still run in our subconscious. Choosing to be conscious, with our hearts wide open, seems like we are just opening ourselves up to be hurt in so many ways and yet my recent experience has taught me that it simply isn’t true. Doing so with my heart opened allowed me to see how to progress myself on the path, gave me the ability to let the tears go without negative self-talk and allowed the blossoming of a whole new connection to my former partner.
I have recently gone through yet another ending. This time I can see that our contract ended, I understand that when we come here we already have contracts in place with certain people. These contracts are in place to show us things about ourselves that we might overcome. Some of these things stem from other lives, some of them stem from this life, and all of them are here to give us the opportunity to transcend yet another human belief.
For myself I realized that my contract in one aspect had changed with my former partner. I immediately went into human and tried to deny it, tried to bargain, tried to hold onto the safety of our relationship so that I wouldn’t have to face my fears. Fear of being alone, of being unworthy of love, of not being able to keep a relationship, of being the one that ended something that for the most part was a beautiful relationship. On the other hand I began to look at those fears. I am never alone, I am part of the whole, part of the creator, I am part of you and you are part of me it is only the human belief that we are individuals. I looked at the idea of being unworthy, this comes up a lot for me in many different situations and yet I know, deep down, that I am love, I am the universe, I am all that is around me there is nothing unworthy about any of us, it again is only a concept we take on as humans.
I, like many people, chose to have multiple relationships before I ever came to this planet. I wanted to transcend many things, many concepts, and many ideas that come from being human. I wanted to pack a whole slew of things into this life because this is the one I chose to transcend and therefore needed to complete anything left over from other lifetimes. To do this I chose to contracts with multiple people. Many of us are ashamed of this, are ashamed of divorce, it goes against things we’ve dreamed about or were taught. There really is no one perfect person out there for any of us, because the perfect person is inside you, it is the real you, the whole you, the one you are trying to remember how to be. This is ascension, it is becoming your Higher Self inside your human body. No more do we ascend only through death, this the New Earth we are here to do this now.
I now look at my former partner with new eyes. I can see in our current separation what I believed to be real was only human. I can see that I no longer need to protect her, in doing so I was only taking away her power and give myself a false sense of security, that she needed me. We do not need anyone but ourselves, that is the whole point of a contract, to see what is human and overcome it. To transcend that would be to have the ultimate loving relationship, the one we all dream about, the one that seems elusive and that we put on the shoulders of others only to then be angry when they aren’t living up to our expectations.
I realized that our contract was over when the only reason I still wanted to be with her was out of fear. She is an amazing woman and deserves a love that does not come from fear and at the end that is all I had to offer. This does not mean we aren’t great friends, we always will be, and it was the idea of being more than that that caused me to hold on with all my might. As I began to realize those fears my feelings started to shift. I no longer wanted to stay because of fear, I only wanted to be happy and realized that I had compromised myself with those fears. Not only that but I realized she wasn’t happy or at least could be happier if she herself was able to see and transcend her own fears if it was her choice to do so.
In the end we ended our relationship calmly, while walking through a grocery store, still picking up items for the house. We have separated for the time being to allow ourselves time on our own, to separate our fields and learn where each of us wants to go separately, what we want to do and what will be our next adventure, separately. In this we are able to come together and share with one another without the need to take care of each other instead of taking care of ourselves first (this is one I’m still struggling with). We are learning what we like, what we don’t like, how we want live, act and play in our own ways without relying or surrendering to the others ideas. We are learning to love ourselves through the knowledge of what we didn’t give ourselves in our relationship but relied on the other to give. We are learning to care and comfort ourselves as we should. We are learning to stand on our own and stand in our power without the other. We are learning the beauty of ending a contract with unconditional love, an open heart and in complete conscious awareness. We are learning to love ourselves and only through the end could we come to this beginning.