 Is it yours? Do you choose to give your power away to what might be, what could be, what was done to someone else but not you, what happened a long time ago and might happen again. Do you choose to walk through this world wondering when the other shoe will drop, when you will be hurt, when you will not be able to afford something, when you will not be able to do something you’ve always done before. Do you choose to suffer to fear before anything has even occurred yet?
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 We are not meant to fit in, haven’t you figured that out by now? None of us are meant to fit in and yet we still TRY TO EVERYDAY. Why? What’s the big deal if I don’t look or act like a "real" man? What’s the big deal if you are overweight? What’s the big deal if you don’t look good in the latest trends? What’s the big deal if you can’t grow a beard or mustache? What’s the big deal if you aren’t a hard body? What’s the big deal if you can’t sing? What’s the big deal with fitting in?
 I was reminded today how I used to (and occasionally still do) seek approval from the outside world. This can be in reference to anything; weight, job, looks, education level and so on. Today though I’m going to use my story as a transgender male as a reference for this. While everything and more of what I listed I and many others have sought approval for it wasn’t until I chose to transition to male that it came at me full blown.
 REPOSTED FROM THE TRANS-SCEND BLOG 2016
I was raised in a very intellectual family that is very knowledgeable about a multitude of subjects. I myself used to base a lot of my self-worth on what I knew and what I didn’t know. I was also raised by a mother who was not only an atheist but had a PhD in Genetics and therefore knew of a ton of empirical studies that could back up what she spoke of. This was the family I was raised in, these are things I believed in for the longest time and like many others who are either in or raised by scientist with integrity and morals we tend to believe in studies that we read, especially when we back up the first reading with many, many more readings on the same topics and studies done by others.  REPOSTED FROM THE TRANS-SCEND BLOG 2016
Hmm, so apparently with the equinox frequencies bringing up a lot of our fears to get up and go I’m facing my own by writing yet another post to talk about things that occurred in my human existence that I keep very close to me. While I do tell people about these things, I have only told people that I “trust” before. This was my way of protecting myself from being vulnerable, to keep those things that others might judge out of the general public so I didn’t have to face that judgement or ridicule. In reality it never works like that, trying to keep myself from being vulnerable only made me vulnerable, trying to keep myself from outside ridicule and judgment never stop my own ridicule and judgement, hiding things from others or storing them deep in my sub unconscious never kept me safe. The only way to do any of that is to open up to my experiences, to really understand what was going on at the time, to understand what I was trying to tell myself and then… to let it all go. |
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