Today is National Coming Out Day. This is typically a day where someone that is gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender and has been hiding it from others tells someone, or makes an announcement like on Facebook. Today a lot of us know someone who fits that description and we either celebrate it, don’t care, don’t want to think about it, or ignore it. I’d like to put a little bit of a spin on it though…
I’d like to come out today and say I’ve had an enlightenment experience. One of those experiences that you read about in books, or hear from some guru or spiritual teacher. I’ve actually had an entire experience where I not only felt but knew that every particle of my being was in every thing else. Where I knew what the trees felt and heard them speak, where I understood how I and the rest of us came to be and how none of us really understood that our only “job” to do here was to recapture that feeling.
We are not meant to fit in, haven’t you figured that out by now? None of us are meant to fit in and yet we still TRY TO EVERYDAY. Why? What’s the big deal if I don’t look or act like a "real" man? What’s the big deal if you are overweight? What’s the big deal if you don’t look good in the latest trends? What’s the big deal if you can’t grow a beard or mustache? What’s the big deal if you aren’t a hard body? What’s the big deal if you can’t sing? What’s the big deal with fitting in?
Today I woke up and started thinking about the idea of desiring things outside of ourselves to make us happy. Lets face it in our culture we are bombarded by advertising all the time, commercials and ads in and on everything from a newspaper to social media. We constantly see things that are supposed to make us “bigger, better, skinnier, healthier, richer, more fun, dateable, entertained” and so on and so forth.
I was remembering back to when I was in my early 20’s barely making any money but I had a credit card for every major department store I could get my hands on. I wanted the latest clothes, music, colonge, games, electronics, and more. I wanted to have the car, the girlfriend, the job, the house and when I got them I knew, I JUST KNEW, I’d be happy. So what happened…
I was reminded today how I used to (and occasionally still do) seek approval from the outside world. This can be in reference to anything; weight, job, looks, education level and so on. Today though I’m going to use my story as a transgender male as a reference for this. While everything and more of what I listed I and many others have sought approval for it wasn’t until I chose to transition to male that it came at me full blown.
About a week ago a ton of stuff was stirring up inside of me and hitting pretty deep. I’ve always been aware that I can sometimes get stuck in the logical idea of right vs wrong, after all that is one of the many things we are here to transcend. The way I was raised also hammered this into me, I have to be “right” in order to have anything validated. I have had to be logical and come from a very scientific approach to things. It was constantly ingrained in me that my feelings were “wrong,” and in some cases I was blatantly told I was stupid for having the feelings I had.