I’ve been working my way through many changes lately. Coming up against things that I thought I had already worked out, let go of, dealt with and yet, I haven’t or at least I haven’t with this stage of it. Most of it centers around my feelings of being unworthy, unlovable and not fully embracing who I truly am through all the feelings/stories of my incarnation here.
I had this experience a few months back and with all my repeating to myself that “oh, this is something I’ve been shown to do, need to do” I still haven’t done it. I’m still finding other things to preoccupy myself with, other things that need to be done before this. Yet, this isn’t much different than anything else, it’s just another step in my evolution and yet it terrifies me in a way.
While it’s not different, it is different for me and yet, I should be used to that by now shouldn’t I? I’ve been different in one way or one feeling or another all my life so why hit the brakes so hard now? It’s just another jump, another leap of faith, another fear to saunter through but I put the brakes on instead. Seems I’ve done a lot of that recently and just haven’t noticed it in a way so now everything seems to have crash landed in my lap and it’s time to just do it!
This is how it happened… I started talking kinda funny… then I listened to someone speak “light language” and nearly fell out of my chair… that’s what I sounded like. So then I started fishing through YouTube videos listening to many different people, some I resonated with, some I didn’t but the language that they spoke was all so.. Cool, and I was doing that! Well awesome, another gift from myself, okay, tuck that away right… uh, wrong.
I woke up one day, laid in bed for a while until I knew it was about time to walk the dog, got up and took a step towards the bathroom and BAM… I was standing on a rock, with water rising all around me, I was speaking, in the language I had remembered was light language a few weeks back and I was so emotional. I was in a body that I knew was mine but not mine at the same time, I knew it was me but not the me I know now. I was stronger than I think I have ever been in this lifetime, knowing I was to die soon and knowing the longer I held back from that fate the longer the chance for my people to survive it. Then I looked up and a dragon, of pure energy flew from the sky straight into my body, my heart and my strength was bolstered even more and then I took another step and I was again heading to the bathroom. The last thing I remember was the words that had come to my ears as the dragon flew inside me “Draconic Shaman”.
I know it was LeMUria, I know I was there, I know it was real and yet I have no idea how to explain it. Nothing like this had ever happened to me before and while I know it happens to many I was in a state of awe and disbelief at the same time. It even took me a bit to tell the people closest to me, the ones that would understand and wouldn’t make fun or laugh or what have you.
A day or two later I saw myself speaking with people, with Light Language and assisting them in their progress here. Assisting them with whatever they needed to move along their chosen paths and then the image was gone. I was excited at first but there was always this nagging feeling.
It’s been a few months since those two experiences and up until a few days ago I hadn’t done a thing with them. I’ve been working my way through my fears. Fear of being different, of doing it wrong, of sharing, of putting myself out there. All the things I thought I had worked out a while ago when I had come out in other ways and yet, this one feels almost deeper, further into the onion peels I guess.
Through all the changes going on for me right now, all the fears of this and that, all the survival and lack programs coming up the one thing I still find is that I want to continue with this process, this path. I keep pushing myself to see past these things that feel like a wall sometimes. Climbing over it again and again, feeling the fear, the tears, the discomfort and sadness. The one thing that brightens all of this is the idea of assisting others and while the idea is also scary in a way it is what keeps me going. To help myself and others remember ourselves as love and loved. We are all One, one love, one light and we can assist in shining that light brighter and brighter in one another.
So now I’m starting to actually get the Light Langauge started, I recorded myself once so far. I was nervous, I was scared and I was self conscious but I did it. Now to do more, to put more out, to continue to share. To continue to shine my light, no matter how small the flicker at first, until it joins in with all the rest and becomes as bright as we can make it.